I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
