conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
