I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I supernannyed him into submission
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
