Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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