I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
