There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
