We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
