You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
