god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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