So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize