I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
