I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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