what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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