there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
