Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
