If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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