There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
