My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to fling myself into the sun
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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