So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
