How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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