dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
40s are totally the cure
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
