Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Randomize
