I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
