thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
These tits shall not be calmed
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