Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
