Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
