Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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