Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
