Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
