you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
