i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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