Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
