Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ttyl tear gas
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
