the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
