Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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