Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
