Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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