I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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