I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
