there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
