Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
