i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
