please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
