Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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