sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
