I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
