ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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