if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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