when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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