I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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