I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
