Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
