Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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