Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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