Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.

(858): View more from California

i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.

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(530): View more from California

You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.

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(443): View more from Maryland

So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.

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(917): View more from New York City

I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

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(785): View more from Kansas

She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Also, I found your gauge.

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.

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