you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
