in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
