How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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