I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
