My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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