I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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