Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
