Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
