i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
