its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
