in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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