I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
