I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
